Ddlg

Helping his babygirl

After daddy helped me proof read my post, he could tell that I wasn’t in the best of places.  I had,had time to actually think about how I was feeling and reflect on it.  Leaving me with a pained look on my face and an ache in my stomach.

The things that ran through my mind are as such…
I had been moody all day thinking about the changes in our lives.  I love being daddies property.  For him to play with, fondle, touch and do with as he wishes..  Yet this morning when he went for his inspection of my shave job and went a little further then I was wanting I got upset.  I didn’t feel like being touched that way and it had left me feeling a little dirty.  I know that this isn’t the feeling that daddy was going for and he profusely apologizes for making me feel in such a way but that didn’t make the grumps go away.

I believe that we are at an adjusting point in our relationship where we are learning that yes I am his to have a hold but it is also a sign of respect to know when it is an inspection and when it is ‘ok to let those slippery fingers slide inside.

Throughout the day not a whole lot fixed my mood.  Daddy made me my favourite “sicky meal” Krappy dinner and dogs.  [gluten free pasta with macaroni and cheese sauce, and cheese sausages.. Yes we are gluten free].  This didn’t make me feel a whole lot better.  Then I thought I wanted some ice cream.. chocolate with peanut butter only to find out that we couldn’t make it because all the chocolate ice cream had freezer burn’t.
I threw a temper tantrum.  Kicking my feet, crying, being grumpy.  After a while daddy was able to calm me down and talk me into walking to the corner store with him to get some ice cream.  He got the best ice cream that there was at the store.  Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Half Baked.  We went for a small walk with the dog while retrieving the ice cream.

I had even started to feel better.  Better enough that I even helped daddy take come of the garbage out to the curb, did up a few dishes and actually asked if we could sit downstairs on the couch together instead of me crawling back into my hole of a bed.

Daddy happily agreed

Ok baby you sit down on the couch and find something for us to watch or listen to while I get your yummy ice cream.  Pj’s first though please.

Off I raced as quick as lightning to get the pj’s on, bring Lily down with me and get some img_2385yummy ice cream.  Once the ice cream was all gone daddy ran us a bath.   Daddy says baths always calm me down and wrap me in a warm fuzzy blanket.

Then we crawled into bed together discussed the blog and agreed that we will have to come up with a way to work on both of our needs and he read me a very cute story until I fell asleep in his arms.

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Ddlg

Lost in a sea of d/s

The last couple months I have been lost in our world of d/s.

I have been disobedient, defiant, angry, bratty, miserable and just rude. I don’t want to be this way but the day to day grind has brought our life to this point.

I haven’t been feeling the control of daddy over me and I just run around doing whatever I want. I don’t want a strict daddy but I do want to hear his words and do as he says. I want to feel his control over me without the bossiness.   I want a hand on my shoulder, or the glare of a look rather then the loud screaming and or spankings.

I want to feel the power of him over me and me to trust that he is always right, but I have lost a lot of trust lately and there’s a few different reasons that could be why that I am unable to put my finger on.

I feel more vanilla then anything lately. And I am not referring to in the bedroom I’m referring to or life in general.

More importantly I feel lost.

 

Ddlg

Swearing is a no-no

NEW RULE

Swearing is the ultimate challenge at this time to correct.  img_2276
Daddy has told me that he does not like fowl language coming out of his princesses mouth and that there will be punishment to follow such disrespect.

He has also informed me that his language will be cleaned up as well as mine.  He will start understandingly but I will be informed of when he has lost his patience and the punishments will be implemented and enforced.

Ddlg

Update after (enter how many decades its been her) months..

What a roller coaster it has been..
Lets start with the mental health side of the roller coaster.  I have recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  *light bulb goes on*.. It really explains my entire personality.

my entire life I thought I was just that person who got insanely jealous all the time, thought people were always being mean to them, got upset over the silliest of things..  Turns out its not completely my fault.

Daddy has handled the situation amazingly and I couldn’t be more lucky.  We have implemented a lot of new routines into our lives in order to make this possible.
Daddy now wakes up earlier then me on the mornings that I work days and gets my lunch ready, gets my clothes together, gets all of our animals moving, and makes me breakfast.  If only he understood how much of a big help this really is to me.  Since I started taking my new medications, mornings are my mortal enemy.  I am groggy, cranky, miserable and every angry emotion in between.  But I can always rely on daddy to make sure that I am at work on time regardless of what I am putting him through.  Not only does he make it happen but he does it with a smile.

Other routines that we have started are:
I am to shower on the days that I don’t work days.  That way I don’t slip and fall in the shower while still waking up.  Yes it has happened.
We always make sure to be in bed by 9:30.  He reads my a bedtime story and puts me to sleep immediately after.
The last routine is the timing of the medication.. he always makes sure that I receive it as early as possible so that I am able to fall asleep as early as possible.

Yesterday was a huge deal of a mental health day.  A lady from work stole my pen.
I know that to most this is a very little issue.
To me it was like the sky was falling and I was going to be crushed alive and there was nothing I could do about it.
Daddy was an absolute saint.  He talked me into breathing slower.. (which I will admit I fought and didn’t want to do), he left work early when I finally made it out of the store and didn’t have the ability to drive home alone.  He took me into the mall where we walked around until I was a little calmer, the whole time hugging me and telling me

“You a good girl and it was so mean to the lady to take your pen.  Nobody should treat my baby that way, they have no idea how much that pen meant to you.”

Which he is very right about, nobody does understand how important that pen was to me…
It was a very inexpensive pen and wasn’t a good looking pen but it was my pen.  It felt right in my hand, I loved the way it wrote.  It was mine.  I was so attached to that pen that I had bought replacement ink (that took me forever to find) so that the pen would last forever.

By the end of the night I thought I was crazy for having these feelings.  Daddy talked me off yet another invisible ledge and explained that it was part of my makeup and that the pen was part of my every day life.

I know baby, that pen was very important to you.  No you are not crazy for being attached to your pen.  It was a special pen to you, you have had it for a very long time.  It was perfect for your little hands, it was yours, you took it everywhere with you.  When you lost it the whole world fell apart baby, I know.  It was part of your organization and that’s a huge part of who you are..  You need organization in your life.

Can we all please just take a minute a think about how amazing my daddy is.  Not too many people would leave work early over a pen, then go out of their way to make sure you had a new one to go to work with today..  On top of that change the ink in a bunch of pens that you always have a backup.

I love you daddy so much.
I have no idea where my life would be without you.

Ddlg

Internal War

When I was 14 I lost my ovary.. When I was 24 I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome.  I was told that it would be difficult for me to conceive a child on my own and that if I ever was able to that I would have to do it before I was 30 thus resulting in my chances which aren’t that good to begin with to decrease by another 50%.

Daddy got a vasectomy making his chances of baring another child without medical attention impossible.

For the past little while Daddy and I have been seriously discussion the option of having a child.  Right now we are just in the discussion process, mostly because I am a yo-yo who is unable to decide if the thought of having a child giving our circumstance is a good idea.

[Backstory] When daddy and I first met he was in an unhappy relationship and I was a friendly ear that always was willing to listen.  I admit that due to his being married that we probably pushed our limits a little further then we should have, and we both live with that daily.  None the less once his marriage ended, which was shortly after we met, he moved in with me and we are working towards our happily ever after ever since.  Due to how we met, people in Daddy’s family have deemed me a horrible person who was only out to ruin a marriage.

When discussing having a child I am left wondering if its a good idea due to the way that Daddy’s family views me.  What will happen when they have family events?  Will my child be welcome?  And if so will I have to not attend?  If the child isn’t welcome what will happen when it has to hear about such events from its other siblings?  Will it be left not knowing its other family and only hearing about them through sibling and not understanding why its not excepted?

 

Bdsm · Ddlg

Lacking Dedication

I have learnt over many attempts that I am always going to lack dedication when it comes to exercise.  I have asked for Daddy’s help but we can’t really agree on a way that would make me do it.

Does anyone else have a problem with this and what are some ways that they get motivation, or their Daddy’s enforce this?

Ddlg

When Little Space is Needed

Daddy has kids.  Kids that I adore but when I get into my “scared frame of mind” I need the space and time to be little and bring myself back down.  Daddy doesn’t always understand this. He thinks that I should come down and be social with everyone but I just can’t bring myself to want to or to be able to. Unfortunately during the times that I remove myself from them I also remove myself from Daddy which i hate.  I end up sitting in our bedroom, wrapped in our blanket, face drenched with my own tears of sorrow.

I don’t always like having a Daddy that has kids.  When they come over he isn’t mine and when he is mine he isn’t there.  We have to separate everything in our lives and I know its necessary but it’s hard.

I am aware of the huge amount of selfishness I show when I am this way but I can’t help it.

I don’t always like having a Daddy that has kids.

Ddlg

Plans?

We have come up with a couple plans that we are both hoping will help.  We are going to go back to using Trello again.  This time without the silly, “do the dishes, walk the dog” kinda stuff that was on it before.  I already know that these things need to be done, I have terrible OCD and that wasn’t what I needed to know.  I do on the other hand need to be kept on track with things that aren’t every day activities.. Like vacuum the upstairs/downstairs, windex windows, mirrors.  The things that you don’t always see need to be done, but if you do them will feel so much better.  something else that may be good to add to Trello is a water count.  I can check off a cup after I finish it.

We are also discussing the idea of chalk boards so that we can write daily notes to each other that can either be love notes or daily things that need to be done notes.  I look more forward to the love notes. Hehe.  Another board will be for weekly tasks and appointments so that we aren’t forgetting things and daddy can keep track of the things that are going on, plus one more for weekly meals.  The one downfall to this is that daddy likes surprise meals so that’s something else that we are going to have to discuss.

I had asked about a Daddy and baby girl journal that we can daily write our thoughts to each other in but daddy suggested that it be done online.  I am not sure how he plans for this to pan out but I will have to wait and see.

Daily thoughts:  If we are actually able to go through with these ideas and maybe some more I will be overjoyed.  For a long time I have been missing my daddy and his presence in my life.  We are very much separate from each other at the moment in our day to day lives and it’s killing me.  I need him more then ever and I want him to be a controlling power over me at all times.  Daddy has made the discussion to continue to take my internet and phone away daily at 10 pm in order to help me sleep more consistently.   I was told when I was first diagnosed with anxiety that removing things like your phone an hour before bedtime was a good idea.  It removes the light and helped you get into a deeper sleep faster without the distraction. 

Ddlg

Troubles

We have hit a bit of a rough patch.  Or maybe its just that I have hit a bit of a rough patch.

My anxiety and depression have resurfaced with vengeance.  I am having “cloudy” thoughts that scare the loved ones around me.  I am being moody, angry, distant, I have been yelling unnecessarily at Daddy.  I don’t mean to be acting like a bitch but its what I am acting like.

I miss him a lot.  I find that lately I haven’t felt his presence.  We don’t get the chance to see each other a lot, we work completely different hours from each other and it seems that the only reason we are staying together is to have someone to share the rental costs with and a bed.  There is more to life then that I would imagine..?

I have been suggesting different ways for Daddy to feel more present in my life.  I had suggested a daily check list that we can work on together..  Throughout the day I could check things off, maybe get stickers and pretty coloured markers so that I could make it pretty and get really into it.. never happened.  I asked about joining a “little’s school” so that Daddy could make sure that I do some of my “school work” daily.. never happened.

Maybe I am being too critical and it’s that I am in a funk that I am finding these flaws in the outcome of “feeling my Daddy when he can’t actually be there”  or maybe it’s the flaws in the outcome that are causing my funk..

Ddlg

Trust

“I want to try anal”
The first line of me putting my entire trust in daddy last night.

“Are you sure, baby girl?”
“Yes daddy”

He was so unbelievably gentle with me, I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

It all starts with a trip to the sex store to purchase new lube to help with our new adventure. We found what we needed and made our way home, ready to explore.

Daddy slowly rubbed himself completely with lube, then inserted a finger inside of my anus opening me wide, spreading lube inside ever inch.  Then I could feel the tell-tale sign of him pushing himself against my entrance.  Very gently he made his way inside of me, slowly pushing deeper and deeper.  One sign of protest due to discomfort and he backed out pushing into my dripping wet vagina.  Whispering to me how proud he was of me, he relentlessly used my vagina.

“Do you completely trust me?”
“Yes daddy”
“completely?”

I feel him back out of me leaving me empty and waiting.  He returns climbing on top of me.  Next thing I feel is the cold plug entering my anus.  Not nearly the same painful invasion but still uncomfortable.  He plunges back into my vagina, giving me a completely full sensation.  More relentless pounding and quite a few permitted orgasms later, he asks me if I will allow him to re-enter my anus.  With permission he quickly removes the plug and slowly enters himself back into me.  This time without as much hesitation from me and not nearly as much discomfort.

Back and forth between my anus and vagina he went until I could feel and hear him empty his loud into my vagina.  A comforting feeling.  Then the weight of a very satisfied man falls onto my back, both of us exhausted and in each others loving arms.