What a roller coaster it has been..
Lets start with the mental health side of the roller coaster. I have recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. *light bulb goes on*.. It really explains my entire personality.
my entire life I thought I was just that person who got insanely jealous all the time, thought people were always being mean to them, got upset over the silliest of things.. Turns out its not completely my fault.
Daddy has handled the situation amazingly and I couldn’t be more lucky. We have implemented a lot of new routines into our lives in order to make this possible.
Daddy now wakes up earlier then me on the mornings that I work days and gets my lunch ready, gets my clothes together, gets all of our animals moving, and makes me breakfast. If only he understood how much of a big help this really is to me. Since I started taking my new medications, mornings are my mortal enemy. I am groggy, cranky, miserable and every angry emotion in between. But I can always rely on daddy to make sure that I am at work on time regardless of what I am putting him through. Not only does he make it happen but he does it with a smile.
Other routines that we have started are:
I am to shower on the days that I don’t work days. That way I don’t slip and fall in the shower while still waking up. Yes it has happened.
We always make sure to be in bed by 9:30. He reads my a bedtime story and puts me to sleep immediately after.
The last routine is the timing of the medication.. he always makes sure that I receive it as early as possible so that I am able to fall asleep as early as possible.
Yesterday was a huge deal of a mental health day. A lady from work stole my pen.
I know that to most this is a very little issue.
To me it was like the sky was falling and I was going to be crushed alive and there was nothing I could do about it.
Daddy was an absolute saint. He talked me into breathing slower.. (which I will admit I fought and didn’t want to do), he left work early when I finally made it out of the store and didn’t have the ability to drive home alone. He took me into the mall where we walked around until I was a little calmer, the whole time hugging me and telling me
“You a good girl and it was so mean to the lady to take your pen. Nobody should treat my baby that way, they have no idea how much that pen meant to you.”
Which he is very right about, nobody does understand how important that pen was to me…
It was a very inexpensive pen and wasn’t a good looking pen but it was my pen. It felt right in my hand, I loved the way it wrote. It was mine. I was so attached to that pen that I had bought replacement ink (that took me forever to find) so that the pen would last forever.
By the end of the night I thought I was crazy for having these feelings. Daddy talked me off yet another invisible ledge and explained that it was part of my makeup and that the pen was part of my every day life.
I know baby, that pen was very important to you. No you are not crazy for being attached to your pen. It was a special pen to you, you have had it for a very long time. It was perfect for your little hands, it was yours, you took it everywhere with you. When you lost it the whole world fell apart baby, I know. It was part of your organization and that’s a huge part of who you are.. You need organization in your life.
Can we all please just take a minute a think about how amazing my daddy is. Not too many people would leave work early over a pen, then go out of their way to make sure you had a new one to go to work with today.. On top of that change the ink in a bunch of pens that you always have a backup.
I love you daddy so much.
I have no idea where my life would be without you.