No Longer

Turns out.. Sometimes things that you want to be are not meant to be.
“Daddy” and I are no longer “daddy and his little” it is just me..
Lonely, little old me.

He has made the decision that he would rather be someone who is able to have sex without a commitment and I am unable to be that person for him.  He has been hinting at it for the last couple of days but today it finally kicked in.  I am not what he wants and not what he needs.  No matter how much I may want or need him.

Things that scare me:

I now have to put myself to bed
I have nobody to read me a bedtime story
I have nobody to turn to at all hours of the day
I won’t have anyone to stay up and listen to me breath and know when I am having a nightmare and talk me through it
I won’t have anyone to talk to when I go on my walks

and frankly.. I am just alone and that scares me.  I became very dependant on the situation that we had and I thought that he felt the same way.

I guess I am just a fool for thinking he wanted more then sex.

-little

 

Plugged Days Begin

When at daddys house yesterday he did the final inspection of my bummy hole before inserting my plug to find out if it fit ok and to see if he was pleased with it fit so that I could start my training.

As of this morning my bummy is officially in anal training.
It was the first time that I have ever put the plug in by myself and to be honest I was a little nervous but, I did it.  When standing still it felt completely fine but I did find walking around, doing regular activities for the morning like bending over, stretching, sitting to be a little… different.. to say the least.  It was a whole new feeling that I have never experienced.  I had the plug in for 30 minutes.  I am to wear the plug daily for 30 minutes until daddy can inspect my hole and see what he thinks.

-little

Discussing Our Goals

 

 

After spending the evening with daddy last night, I woke up this morning will a feeling of lost and empty.  Like we were not moving forward in our lives and or relationship and that something was miss of the front of both situations.

GetAttachment2

So I didn’t bring it up in person since I was in a rush this morning (due to play time.. so not complaining) so I allowed myself the chance to mull it over in my head before bringing it up.  I will be the first to admit that I didn’t address the situation in the way that I intended and Daddy felt that I was telling me that he wasn’t what I needed in life and that we should go our separate ways.  I felt very bad for my way of expressing my thoughts so I took a step back for a couple seconds, took a deep breath and went at it from a different angle.  I explained to him that, that was not the way I intended it to sound and that I most certainly was not saying that I no longer wanted to be with him.  I was simply expressing my concern for our lack of motivation in life.  The fact that we haven’t moved forward as a couple but are staying in a state of unstill is very unnerving to me.  Why be together if we don’t plan on starting a life together eventually.  And there is a few things holding us back from doing this, so shouldn’t we be working towards eliminating those things holding us back?  That way when the time does come we are able to move forward in a comfortable manor without reason to question issues.
GetAttachment3

Also the fact that when we do get the change to get together for me to spend the night we do the same thing.. I get there, we eat, walk the dog, fuck and watch a movie until I fall asleep.  Yes I know it does sound good, but not when its the same thing all the time.  It becomes boring and repetitive and I don’t believe that at a young age that we are that we should be suffering from the cases of ‘boring life’.

Now onto the juicy stuff.  What a wonderful playtime daddy and I had both this morning and yesterday.   Last night he tortured me with a vibrator on my clit denying me my much needed orgasm, to which I returned the favour once I was given the chance resulting in a combined, joined mega orgasm.  This morning started off a little on a sad note.  Due to still being a little raw from last night I was a little sore and unresponsive to the pleasure daddy was in need of resulting in him telling me ‘ you are unable to handle all I am able to give you ‘.  This hurt my feelings a little.  After a while daddy got fed up with me, rolled me over and pulled my bummy in the air played with me for a while and shoved his enormous cock into my kitty resulting me in being thrusted forward and letting out a loud squeal.  Daddy then repositioned me back to my bummy being in the air and continued to mercifully fuck me.

Are you going to be a good girl or am I going to have to put it in your ass

no daddy I promise I will be a good girl *moan, grunt moan*

that’s my good girl getting all wet while I talk about playing with her ass. maybe that’s where I belong

*slap slap slap on my ass*GetAttachment1

no daddy please no

*daddy inserts thumb into said ass and continues to thrust harder*

but baby, look at how wet you are getting

and we both collapse in a mind blowing orgasm.

-little

 

Fears

How long in everyone personal opinions is it ok to have a fear that are ongoing from a past relationship?  Is there a specific amount of time or does it depend on the new partner or ongoing partner?

I will give you some background.
Daddy and I have been together for a year and a half and when we got together it was made very clear to me that daddy had issues sharing his thoughts and feelings as his ex was not a good recipient of these said feelings and thoughts.  She would make fun of him, not care, turn down his thoughts.. And so forth.

confused-girlDuring the beginning of our relationship I was very understanding and tried to never push the issue due to the fact that I know we all have baggage from past relationships, including myself.

Now a year and a half later we are having the same discussion and I am left feeling like it is unfair to me.  I have done nothing but be supportive, shown him that his opinions and thoughts matter to me and that I want and love to hear them.  I personally think that it is a necessity in a relationship to share these things in order to move forward and meet each others needs.   Why should it be something that’s hidden and thought of an unimportant.

So again..
Back to the previous questions.  How long is it ok to have fears that are ongoing from a past relationship, and move on a grow with your new(ish) partner?

-little

Things we have done memories and thing to do 

The other day me and my little went for a walk in a campground I love it but the black fly were nasty I had a great day with my little I wish we could have seen all of the park it would have been nice I love doing things like that with her last time we when to Harrison park I love Getting out in the woods my favourite place is with me and my little feeding the birds I have a lot of fun and great memories of my little and I doing things like in sauble getting a beavertail getting ice cream having lunch together sharing a salad that was gross and many more things to do she wants to see all the waterfalls in Ontario I think that’s Great she wants to zip lining I’m a little nervous because I’m afraid of heights so we will see what happens I really want to go camping with my little but we both work so that’s going to be hard to do I want to go watch the cars races and play at the beach with my little my opinion on our relationship is I couldn’t be happier with my little kitten and I feel like I’m going to have the best life with her ever – daddy 

My little’s plug

One Sunday if I’m not working if I’m not working my little is going to be wearing her plug for 2-3 hours a day getting her used to it and every time I see her I’m going to check and see how tight she is and then I’m going to put it back in and play with it and play with her clit and get her to relax and let daddy take care of her and please her and after I’m done please her she’s going to please me I’m going to take her plug out slowly and I going to put my rock hard cock inside her tight little bum and I am going to go slowly and pound her little bum and after I’m done I’m going to put her plug back in and then we r going to cuddle until she falls asleep in my arms 

– daddy 

Being Plugged

Last night while on Facetiming  daddy started talking about (while seeing me change into pj’s and he seen my bummy) how he would like to plug me and twirl it around with his fingers and play with my clit.   

The idea of being plugged is starting to grow on me.
I didn’t realize it until my little parts started to tingle and I realized that I was getting wet.

All a new and fun experience for me.  Should be an interesting new journey for daddy and I.

-little

Losing my cool 

I always lose my cool and I really don’t know why I do it but when I get mad angry pissed off out come my monster and I can’t control it but afterwards I feel so bad and feel like an asshole so I need to control my monster so my little can feel safe Around me and not be scared of me and I can hep her in to little space  and if I. Could not be so angry all the time I would love to be with my little as much as I can but when I get angry I can’t be around because it changes my little mood and I don’t like when I change her mood I love when she happy and smiling and giggling and silly I love it so much.  And I want to be the best daddy I can be for my little so I’m going to work on monster daddy and lock him up and keep the nice daddy out so I can be nice and gentle and my opinion is that I need to stop getting so angry over nothing or arguing over nothing 
– daddy 

Moods = temporarily my little runs away

Daddy has lots of mood swings, sometimes they scare me, sometimes they annoy me, and other times they just downright make me mad..  This time it made my little run away.

Not let me do some background on the topic.
I don’t think I am one of those littles that goes into subspace.  I just am what I am.  I do little activities because they make me happy and I enjoy doing them.  I have a little personality because its who I am.  I don’t have to have my daddy set up a time and call me into subspace.  I am just what I am.

Now, I was in a wonderful mood today.  I was giggly and being silly and having fun with daddy.  Until I said something that apparently ticked him off and he turned into what I like to call “monster daddy”.  Now the big mean “monster daddy” hung up on me, which really upset me.  So I called him back and he said meany stuff to me and hung up on me again.
Mood changed.  I no longer was giggly and happy and silly.  I was sad, hurt, upset and annoyed.

Firstly what I said is not an untrue fact and the fact that he got mad just shows me that it is something that he needs to work on.. Since it is an important thing.  WEATHER HE WANTS TO BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Secondly what I said did not deserve such a response.

I understand that I do things that upsets my daddy, but I get punishments for those things.  I don’t like being called mean names and proven that he doesn’t want to talk to me.

Despite the fact that I always end up calling him back (the little in me) I want to at the same time withdraw myself from him completely.  Because if he doesn’t want to talk to me that’s fine.. I won’t talk to him either.  I just cant bring myself to do that.

The big in me comes out and I get angry, I get defensive and I yell and say things and act out.  But I don’t know what else to do.  I feel like I am being told that I am not worth talking to unless I say things that he likes.  And lets all face it, that will never happen.  I am never going to be able to 100% only say the things that he wants to hear.
I am a very strong opinionated person who enjoys sharing their opinions.  I always know that there is a time and a place but sometimes things come up weather its a good time or not.  And BOOM out comes “monster daddy”.

So which one of us needs to stop.. I am not sure.
Maybe I learn to shut the fuck up completely.
Or daddy learns to stop losing his cool all the time

-little